


Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

by hannieofnxy



Series: I know you hate me... [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Midnight calls, like.....to much ellipsis, lots of ellipsis, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25749217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannieofnxy/pseuds/hannieofnxy
Summary: “I know you hate me."Kindaichi knew why Kageyama would think that.“….but I need to tell you anyway……”Kindaichi heard the click of the phone call ending, and felt his heart shatter and burn with hope at the same time.--------Kageyama loved Kindaichi and Kindaichi loves Kageyama.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Kindaichi Yuutarou
Series: I know you hate me... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862695
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from "Before you go" by Lewis Capaldi, so have a listen while reading.

“I know you hate me."

Kindaichi knew why Kageyama would think that.

“….but I need to tell you anyway……”

Kindaichi heard the click of the phone call ending and felt his heart shatter and burn with hope at the same time.

Not even Kunimi knew that Kindaichi had liked Kageyama.  Kindaichi knew he would never be able to tell anyone, because of the country he lived in, and because of their history.  As far as the rest of the world knew, Kageyama Tobio was just an old teammate to Kindaichi Yūtarō, someone he never got along with. But that was what the world, and probably  Kageyama, saw.

Kindaichi had been thinking about it more often, even before he saw Kageyama again, but even more after seeing Kageyama play again.  He`d thought he`s gotten over all his feelings for Kageyama, thought he`d gotten over all of them after everything that happened in their 3rd year at Kitagawa Daiichi, but after seeing him play with the Adlers again, after Kageyama said he wanted to play with him and Kunimi again, everything came crashing back.

So he ignored them.

Why wouldn’t he, Kageyama was going to Italy soon, and Kindaichi doubted he thought of anything other than volleyball and beating Hinata in anything he could. There was no way Kageyama had feelings for him, not after their past.

It was two days before Kageyama left that Kindaichi got the phone call. It was late, around 2 am, but Kindaichi had never had a normal sleep schedule. But it was late, and he didn’t have the number saved in his phone, so for the first call, he ignored it. It was going to be a spam call after all. But spam calls don`t phone more than once, especially straight after one another. So he picked up. He was expecting it to be a prank call, from someone he has a class with, but not him.

“Hello?”

“…Kindaichi?...I…its Kageyama…”

Kindaichi didn’t expect it to be Kageyama, especially not Kageyama sounding like he was crying.

“Kageyama? Are you okay? What`s wrong?”

“I…need to tell you something, okay? But…you…you can forget it after alright? It would probably be better if you did forget”. He sounded broken.

“Kageyama, I don’t..”

“I know you hate me.”

Kindaichi knew why Kageyama would think that.

“But I need to tell you anyway……I…I`m in love with you.

“I know you`ve never felt the same, and I know that you never will feel the same, and I`ve accepted that, and the only reason I`m telling you this is so I can move on. Because it hurts. It hurts knowing that I`ve loved you since middle school, and you`ve hated me for just as long. But why wouldn’t you hate me. I was…I am…not good enough, for you, for the team in middle school, for _anyone_ , and I`m sorry, that you had to deal with me. I know I said that we should play together again, and _God_ , I want to, so badly, but I know I can`t, not now, not after this. I…uh…I don’t know what to say anymore…I`m sorry, for everything.  And…tell Kunimi I`m sorry as well…but…the reason I called you, called you instead of him…is because I never loved him, not like I love you. And I don`t regret it, no matter how much it hurts.

“I love you Kindaichi Yūtarō, and I`m telling you all this because I need to say goodbye.”

Kindaichi heard the click of the phone call ending…

…and felt his heart shatter and burn with hope at the same time.

He sat on his bed for 10 minutes, with his phone still to his ear, trying to process the fact that Kageyama was in love with him and had been since middle school. He then realized that Kageyama had no idea Kindaichi loved him back. He scrambled out of bed, trying to find his keys and shoes, and stumbled out of his dorm door.

But Kindaichi hadn`t spoken to Kageyama in years, and while he knew Kageyama would live in an apartment block with the other Adlers` team members, Kindaichi had no idea where that was.  He didn`t know anyone else on the Adlers team well, and while he spoke to Yamaguchi and Goshiki occasionally, they probably wouldn’t tell him where the Adlers lived if they even knew themselves.  He didn’t know anyone else on the National team well, and knowing Kageyama, he wouldn’t invite people to his house regularly. So how the fuck was Kindaichi going to get to Kageyama…

_Iwaizumi._

Of course! Why hadn’t Kindaichi thought about Iwaizumi before! He was a trainer on the national team, meaning he had to have some record of where the players lived.  Plus, Kindaichi knew him well enough that Iwaizumi wouldn’t question why he needed Kageyama`s address at 2 am in the morning.  Hopefully.

Kindaichi pulled out his phone, opening Iwaizumi`s contact, hoping that he would help him and ask as few questions as possible.  The phone rang, and Kindaichi had almost given up hope when he heard the line click and Iwaizumi  groggily  say “Hello ?”

“Iwaizumi-san I need you to tell me Kageyama`s address”

“Wha…Kindaichi??? The fuck are you doing up so late…or early?”

“Iwaizumi-san I  really  need to know where Kageyama lives, please, please, tell me”

“I…what??? I`ve never been to Kageyama`s house? Why would I know where he lives? Kindaichi why…”

“But you`re the national team trainer, please you must have a record somewhere…”

“I…I guess…I`ll have a look now…Kindaichi why the fuck do you need Kageyama`s address?  And don`t bother bullshitting, it`s 2 am, I`m tired as fuck, and I`ve been Shittykawa`s best friend his entire life, so I know when someone’s lying”

The only reason Kindaichi told him was because he could hear rustling on the other end of the line. “Kageyama called me and told me that he was in love with me and then hung up before I could say anything.”

The rustling stopped.

“So why do you need his address?”

Iwaizumi sounded…apprehensive, tense.

“Because…I…I need to tell him that I love him back, and I know he won`t pick up the phone if I call him.”

The rustling continued.

“Oh…I guess that means no one won the bet then…”

“What? What bet?”

“What? Oh, Mattsun, Makki, Shittykawa, and I have a bet about who you little shits like.  For you, I bet you liked Kunimi, Trashykawa said you liked him, which was absolute bullshit and he was never going to win.  Makki said you liked me, which I also said was bullshit, and Mattsun said you were straight and liked a random girl from your class, which I thought was less bullshit than the other ideas, but still unlikely."

Kindaichi was shocked. And surprised. And kind of worried about how Hanamaki noticed his crush on Iwaizumi.

“I…well….I guess  technically  Hanamaki-san won then….”

“Wait what??? You like me? But Kageyama?”

“NO, I meant I…I liked you in my first year…but I got over it pretty  quickly  I guess, and I still liked Kageyama”

There was a pause before Iwaizumi spoke again, “fuck now I owe him ¥1,500, goddammit, I never fucking win the bets, its always Mattsun or Makki .”

Kindaichi was getting impatient now, because he had no idea how long it would take to get to Kageyama`s house, and he really,  really, needed to because the more time there was between the phone call and when he got to Kageyama`s house, the less likely it was that Kindaichi would ever be able to convince Kageyama that he was in love with him.

“Iwaizumi-san I  really  need…”

“Oh, yeah,  I think  I`ve found it, I`ll send a picture okay?  I think  it`s about an hour on the train from your place”

“Thank you Iwaizumi-san”

“Yeah, it`s fine kid,  just, don`t fuck it up.  I know shit with you and Kageyama haven’t always been great, but you can make it work, you  just  gotta make sure you don`t fuck up now, all right ?”

“I…I want to make him happy, in whatever way I can, and I need him to know that I love him because I don’t think he realizes that anyone does.”

Iwaizumi sighed, “you gotta be patient with him, but you can do it. I`ll send the address now, alright? Be careful, it`s late, and if you`re going to confess your undying love, you need to actually get to his house. Good luck, and try not to fuck up.”

Kindaichi heard the call end before he could say anything back, and pulled his phone away from his ear.  Iwaizumi was right, the address he sent was about an hour away on the train, and that didn’t take into account that he had to get to and from the stations.  He figured out what train he needed to get on while running to the nearest station, about 10 minutes’ walk from his flat, and luckily for him, it was a quiet night, so he didn’t have to worry about running into anyone.

After running through two stations, then to the apartment complex where Kageyama lived, it was understandable that Kindaichi was out of breath, even if he had been playing volleyball since he was 8.  This was probably why Hoshiumi was looking at Kindaichi strangely as they passed on the stairs up to the floor the Adler`s lived on. Or maybe it was because it was currently 3:07 am. Kindaichi was too focused on not falling over to notice him anyway.

He paused though, before knocking on Kageyama`s door.  He had no idea what he was going to say, no idea how he was going to convince the man that believed Kindaichi hated him, that he loves him. Iwaizumi said not to fuck it up, but that wasn’t very much help when he was standing in front of Kageyama`s door out of breath. So, he knocked.

Okay, it was more like banged, and probably woke up the whole floor, but Kindaichi really needed Kageyama to open the door. Which he didn’t. So Kindaichi knocked again, and again, until he gave up, and just tried to open the door. As he pulled down the handle, the door began to open, and he slowly, as if not to scare Kageyama, if he was even inside. Despite banging on his door for 5 minutes.

The room was dark, and from what Kindaichi could see, was plain and bare, with little decorations and personal items.  It was a studio apartment, so in the corner of the room, Kindaichi could see a bed with a human-shaped lump under the sheets.  He walked forward, walking slowly and lightly, towards the bed, and kneeled on the floor next to it, and carefully began to put away the covers. Kageyama was underneath and was awake, but he tried to pull the sheets back towards him as they were removed. His eyes were red and puffy, and he still had tears on his cheeks.

“Kageyama”, Kindaichi was whispering now, a large difference to his actions when he was outside of the apartment, “Kageyama, I love you.”

Kageyama curled in on himself, made a small whining sound, and moved to cover his ears, but Kindaichi grabbed his hands before he could, and pulled Kageyama so he had to look at Kindaichi.

“Kageyama, I`m not lying. I`m in love with you”, he said with a small smile on his face. He knew now what he needed to do to make things right again.

“If I`d known that you felt the same, I would have told you so long ago, and I`m sorry that I didn’t, because now I have so much time that I need to make up for. I`ve loved you since middle school, and I`m sorry I never told you, because if I had, you wouldn’t be feeling this now. But I`ll prove it do you, don’t worry.  You`re more than good enough Kageyama, for everyone, for anyone, you’re the best setter in Japan, and anyone who gets a set from you is the luckiest person in the world.  And…if we hadn`t made the mistakes we did in middle school, I don’t think you would have grown as much as you did, and I`m so proud of how much you`ve grown.  I know I have no right to be proud, and I know I was the one that hurt you the most, but Kageyama, I watch your matches, and just wish I could be there, playing with you again. I love you Kageyama Tobio, and  I might  be too late to make everything right, but I`m going to do everything I can to try.”

Kageyama was looking at him now,  properly looking at him with eyes wide and full of tears.

“You mean it? You…you love me?”. Kageyama was whispering, barely audible, and his voice was hoarse, but to Kindaichi, it meant the world to know that maybe, just maybe, Kageyama would believe him.

“I mean every word. I love you.”

Kageyama moved, shuffled further away from the edge of the bed where Kindaichi kneeled, but pulled the blanket away from him. For a moment Kindaichi was confused, but then realized what the action meant.  He got up, taking off his jacket, got into the bed, then pulled Kageyama towards him, Kindaichi`s face pressed into Kageyama`s hair, his arms wrapped around Kageyama`s back, his body pressed into Kageyama`s. It felt incredible to hold him like this, and Kindaichi knew that he never wanted to let go.

Kageyama spoke again,  softly, from where his head was resting on Kindaichi`s chest, “can you tell me again?”

Kindaichi smiled, and held him closer than he ever thought was possible, “I`ll tell you anything you want me to.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, its Hannie here! I hope you enjoyed part two of this series. Follow my hq twitter @hxnnieyama, I`ll follow other hq accounts back!  
> You can also leave any requests of platonic/romantic Kageyama ships in the comments!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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